Slouching Toward the Presidency

It was promoted as the much heralded debut of Fred Thompson as the GOP presidential candidates gathered in rust-belt Michigan to debate the economy yesterday.

But, there were no questions on the impact on the economy of the flood of mortgage foreclosures, or the collapse of the housing market bubble.... no questions on the pitiful state of the U.S. dollar....no questions on the ramifications of illegal immigration on Social Security and the economy in general, although Tom Trancedo tried mightily to interject the subject into the debate.

It was an uninspired lobbing of soft balls, and even then, no one knocked a question out of the park.

For the nebulous nine GOP candidates, there were just three solutions to every problem..... cut taxes, cut taxes, and, cut taxes. Oh, and of course cut spending. But, there were no questions asked of any of the candidates on exactly where they would cut spending.... it was just the usual GOP political magic act, voo doo economics.

We were told that Thompson's late entry into the race wouldn't hurt him because he would dazzle us with his charisma and Reaganesque stature. That Fred stayed home. The laconic Fred that showed up was a has-been actor reading his podium notes. John McCain's propped-up Bernie has more pizazz.

But Fred's handlers are selling. Thompson has in his corner hawking his campaign not only former Virginia senator "Macaca" Allen, but Cheney's daughter and Cheney's right-hand-gal.... "Mary, Mary quite contrary" Matalin.

So, listen up. If you loved the Darth Vader hand of Cheney on the Bush presidency you'll love Fred too. The debate yesterday was actually the first real step in the making of the next Cheney presidency. Luckily, the chosen vessel, Freddie the Unready, makes the continuing plague of Cheney upon our country highly unlikely.

The second tier candidates threw off the occasional spark, but it was quickly extinguished by moderators who had no follow ups and seemingly not much interest in the proceedings.

The most the GOP can hope for from this slouch toward the presidency is that not many voters tuned in.

GOP Four AWOL

They set places at the table, but the four GOP presidential frontrunners were no-shows.

Or, as Tom Joyner pointedly remarked in his opening comments last night at the GOP presidential candidate debate held at Morgan State, a historically black university in Baltimore, "Let me take a moment right here and now to say hello to those of you viewing from home: Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Senator John McCain, Gov. Mitt Romney and Senator Fred Thompson."

It seems there may be two reasons for their absence from this minority forum.... the quarterly campaign funding report deadline is Sunday and money hasn't exactly been pouring in over the transom, so they were fundraising .... and, they aren't ready for prime-time outside the comfort zone of the GOP privileged-white-men-only country club.

McCain in an ironic statement considering his empty podium.... and his Straight Talk Express idling on fumes.... lectured that the GOP is failing to reach out to African-Americans and Hispanics and needs to be reminded "that we are the party of Abraham Lincoln."

John, John, John.... you need to be reminded that Lincoln was famous for his debating.... his debates with Stephen Douglas are legendary and raised Lincoln's national profile. Lincoln would have been there last night.

Thompson continues to play the seven-dwarf role of Sleepy.... maybe he wasn't aware of the debate. After all, a major part of Thompson's platform in his run for Senate in 1994 was his support for the death penalty. Yet, asked recently for his thoughts on the recent landmark cases in his home state of Tennessee and Kentucky on lethal injection, Thompson drawled... "I hadn't heard that. I didn't know."

In Florida earlier this month Sleepy was surprised that oil drilling in the Everglades was a major state issue. Nor could he remember much about the brain-damaged Terri Schiavo case that stirred national debate. Even social conservative religious-guru James Dobson dismissed Thompson as being weak on the campaign trail and wrong on the issues. Fred, wind your alarm clock.

Maybe Giuliani didn't show up because cell phones were banned at the debate.... so he couldn't do his Fibber McGee and Molly shtick with his wife. Ring, ring.... And, Romney really missed an opportunity to muss his "Ken" persona a bit.

For those who did show up.... former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, Kansas Senator Sam Brownback, Rep.Tom Tancredo of Colorado, Rep. Ron Paul of Texas and the ever-opportunistic Alan Keyes, a former conservative diplomat.... the reduced participation allowed them more face time than usual.

Insofar as the impact of the shunning of the debate by the four GOP hopefuls, Travis Smiley who moderated the forum took dead aim: "Some of the campaigns who declined our invitations to join us tonight have suggested publicly that this audience would be hostile and unreceptive. Since we are live on PBS right now, I can't tell you what I really think of these kinds of comments."

"Who's Bush?" GOP Debate

The theme for today's GOP debate in Des Moines: "Bush.... embracing him at a distance, if at all."

While "GOP Hopefuls Generally Agree on Iraq," and didn't openly disavow The Decider's failed policies, they made it plain that they would have a different kind of presidency.

They would "restore," "rebuild," and "bring back." They seldom mentioned Bush.... the elephant lurking behind the curtains.... although they called on the reflected luster of JFK, Teddy Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan... even Harry Truman.

By carefully tiptoeing around Bush.... and being spared the brier patch of the unasked questions on immigration, education and agriculture.... the debate leveled out at the predictable.

And.... the awards go to: Polished performance: Mitt Romney. Unabashed honesty: Ron Paul. Scariest worldview: Tom Tancredo. Where's Fred?: Tommy Thompson. Iraq breast-beating: John McCain. Religious right pandering: Sam Brownback. Weakly earnest: Mike Huckabee. Best imitation of Patton: Duncan Hunter. Remember 9/11's Mayor: Rudy Giuliani.

The Shallow GOP Pool

"How far would I travel, just to be where you are? How far is the journey, from here to the White House star?...... And, if I ever lost you, how much would I cry? How deep is the ocean, how high is the sky?"

This should be the official presidential candidate theme song, played whenever two or more are gathered to lay the words on us. However, the song may not quite fit the current field of GOP hopefuls because as Eugene Robinson points out, their field is ten wide, but it's not ocean deep.

In their first debate, this GOP country club lineup of well-heeled white men mostly tread around the shallow end of the Republican talking points .... Iraq war on the right track, abortion rights bad.... Bush who?.... Reagan's our president.

In fact, there doesn't seem to be any reason for Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich or Chuck Hagel not to wade in.... "The water doesn't look very deep." It'll just be more GOP white men with a toe in the presidential puddle.

After all, shallow has worked fine for The Decider. He has been using the kiddie pool for over six years, barely getting his intellect wet.... "How deep is corruption, how high is the lie"

GOP Hopefuls Opine

The first Republican presidential candidates "debate" last night was in many respects a yawn.... but, it did have a crazy-aunt-in-the-attic moment for the ten Bush wanna-bes.

When asked for a show of hands for those who didn't believe in evolution..... the flat-earthers responding were Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and Rep. Tom Tancredo of Colorado. These three definitely go to the back of the class with the slow-learners.

I kept looking for the apple that former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney had on hand for MSNBC moderator Chris Matthews.... Mitt is such a perfect teacher's pet.... well prepared, face scrubbed, not a hair out of place.... just too perfect. We need a Mitt Romney doll, just wind him up and he delivers his focus-group talking-points to the background of Hail-to-the-Chief.

Sen. John McCain of Arizona was animated, although he had a momentary "deer in headlights" moment when asked directly if he believed in evolution. He did give the old straight talk answer of "yes".... before shifting into his Falwell pandering-gear by adding when he's in the Grand Canyon, he sees God's hand over the horizon.

Actually, what McCain sees over the horizon is Joe Lieberman's hand waving his Straight Talk Express into the lane for presidential race losers. When asked what Democrat he would have in his cabinet if he became president, McCain named Lieberman with the same passion usually reserved for a hot prom date.

A subdued former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani was the only one of the ten to hedge over whether the Supreme Court should overturn Roe v. Wade.... although he made it clear that he "hates" abortion, as if rival Democrats or anyone supporting a woman's right to chose doesn't hate abortion. The other nine took the GOP safe "overturn" path, each trying to out-forceful-reply the other.

Rep. Ron Paul of Texas was the only one not supporting The Decider's troop buildup in Iraq, and actually mentioned GOP-abandoned items like upholding the Constitution and reducing spending. His biggest contribution, however, was that he made McCain appear young.

The former governor of Wisconsin, Tommy Thompson.... not Fred who kept his standing by not being in the lineup.... had the best Ronald Reagan brown-nose line recalling Reagan's optimism and "belief that America could be stronger and better tomorrow than it is today"... which is perfectly true as soon as we can rid ourselves of the Bush mafia.

California Rep. Duncan Hunter (great name) thinks he's the reincarnation of Patton.... but he didn't move his campaign forward much with so many other stage-generals trying to show their commander-in-chief mettle.

James Gilmore, former governor of Virginia didn't move the audience recognition needle much off 0.... what is it with former governors? Being a big fish in Virginia's pond doesn't equate to making a splash in the national ocean.

And that's how I saw it, the Republican debate. McCain perhaps summed up his party's "be very afraid" mantra the best.... "We must win in Iraq.... If we withdraw, there will be chaos, there will be genocide and they will follow us home."

No. A Democrat must win the election.... or, there will be chaos, there will be more war and corruption, and the GOP will follow us into our homes.