Bush's Playground

Guru took Pootie-Poot to the woodshed, and Pootie-Poot promised to stop sticking his tongue out at Dubya.

No, you haven't wandered into a Dr. Seuss children's book.

Welcome to the world of the most powerful leader in the world.... the self-proclaimed "Commander Guy," a.k.a. "The Decider," his Secretary of State, Condi "Guru" Rice., and Russia's President "Pootie-Poot" Putin.

Excuse us George if we don't laugh at your bestowing of childish nicknames in lieu of a real governance.

It was bad enough that you gurgled after your meeting with "Pootie-Poot" in 2002, "I looked the man in the eye. I was able to get a sense of his soul."

Since then, Putin's "soul" has been hard at work suppressing the press and individual freedoms in Russia, and aligning Russia's interests with those of our enemies.

It was even discovered that Russia provided intelligence to Iraq's government on U. S. military movements in the opening days of the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

Naughty, naughty Pootie-Poot.

Now we've had to witness Commander Guy dispatching "Guru" Rice to Moscow to deliver her school marm scolding to Pootie-Poot. Putin is kicking sand in our face because he doesn't like the U.S. plans for a missile defense system in his backyard among other things.... and a week ago in Red Square appeared to compare Bush's United States to Hitler's Third Reich.

Now, now Pootie-Poot, it's not nice to call names.

If only we could go back to the fairy tale "Mission Accomplished" days. When Iraq was a glorious victory, and Russia loved the U.S.

In those la-la land days, "Guru" Rice .... a supposed Russian specialist....said, "To see the kind of relationship that Presidents Bush and Putin have developed and to see Russia firmly anchored in the West - that's really a dream of 300 years...."

A dream indeed.

Actually, it's a part of the nightmare scenario inflicted by an inept, unready, uncomprehending, stubborn, good-ol'-boy Commander Guy leading our great nation into the abyss.

And, our clever Bush even has a nickname for the United States of America..... the North American Union.

Will someone please wake me up!

Boy George

A trumpet fanfare, a 21-gun salute.... Queen Elizabeth is welcomed by King George at the White House while thousands of invited guests crowded the South Lawn, eager to drink in the pomp and pageantry.

Seizing the moment, Commander Guy took center stage, remarking that the queen had dined with 10 U.S. presidents and had helped the United States "celebrate its bicentennial in 17.... err, 1976."

Then, to make sure the queen was thoroughly offended, he joked that the queen just "gave me a look that only a mother could give a child."

The queen sees George for what he is.

Where was she in 2000 when the voters needed "the look" to remind them that only grownups should be president of the most powerful nation on earth, not a reckless frat boy proud of his C- grades.

Bush is Naming Names

OK, you know that President Bush is into nicknames. For example, he calls his political guru, Karl Rove, "Turd Blossom." Now, that's a really good nickname, except for the Blossom part.

And, you know that he gave himself the crown of "The Decider." We've had to watch in horror as he has decided us into national turmoil.

Now, The Decider has anointed himself with a different nickname. While speaking to the Associated General Contractors of America recently, and opining on whether the Congress or the commanders should decide how many U.S. troops are needed in Iraq, The Decider said: "And, as you know, my position is clear - I'm the Commander Guy."

As Eugene Robinson wondered in "Lost in the Fog With Commander Guy," is he The Decider or the Commander Guy.... "Or does he spend some days deciding and other days commanding."

As our Commander Guy, here is his latest pearl of wisdom about the war in Iraq.... "Either we'll succeed or we won't succeed." Deep.